writing follow up.

Hello I'm Archie, and this week for writing we have written a short story about something of our choice, and our question for this week is use language features specific to the purpose of the text. Here is my follow up.

metaphor

onomatopoeia 

personification

Short story. 

It was a normal morning for Damo. He was in his little car going to his friends house, he was so excited to see his friends in a while. He arrived at his friends house and he stormed inside, and bang the floor started to sink down him and his friends were screaming their heads off, Debbie said “try make that jump to the door” and that's what I did, but unfortunately I didn’t make it. 

We were falling for straight 5 minutes, we finally hit the ground, we heard a voice like a narrator he said “ to leave this place you need to find a witch so she grants you a wish to leave this murky swamp, to get there you need to make it through an active volcano and a lake full of electric eel” . We were frightened but we know what we have to do. The first thing we have to do is make it past an active volcano. 

We ran faster then a cheater on an energy drink, we hopped across rock from rock the were hotter then a fire, but we still kept on running there was a blast of lava that almost tipped me over. That was a close one wilson said that was a close one. Then the narrator started to speak again and didn't celebrate too early. You still have to swim across the lake where the giant electric eels are, that will be easy there, still asleep. 

We thought this was going to be easy, but then a giant rock fell down from the sky and woke the whole pack up, we were doomed. But we had to try otherwise there will be know way out of this murky swamp. Splash I dived through the murky lake, a eel grabbed onto my leg and started to drag me down to the bottom of the lake. But I keeped on fighting and I made it .  I made it to the witch and she granted us the wish, and we made it back home safely.  

what do you think?